Weight Watchers recipe cards, circa 1974

This one's quick and lazy (and somewhat rude):

1. Embrace mackereality.

2. Thing I Miss About Living in a Small Town #8:
I miss seeing people I know when I'm driving around town. I've lived here for 5 years and I've never seen anyone I know just driving around the city. In Jonesville, Va., everybody waves because it's assumed they know each other. The town is that small. They even have a patented "two finger wave from the steering wheel" move, just to save time while maintaining their manners. The newspaper prints who had guests for Sunday dinner. That's actually kind of sweet.

3. Last night was pretty cold and dreary so I stayed in to watch TV rather than going to my usual haunts for Monday Night Football. I ended up watching "Las Vegas," which almost demands its own commentary track. First off, infamous "that girl" Vanessa Marcil is involved. (Every bad show needs at least one direct connection to 90210.) Second, the star of the show, on ABC, is James Caan. JIMMY CAAN! Awesome. In the show, Jimmy plays a casino owner/former CIA Agent. Huh? The Jaded Roommate said, "You know he wrote the back story for his own character. It was in his contract. I'm surprised they don't say, 'Casino Owner/former CIA agent/owner of the biggest cock in the world.'" This led to a really bad joke by me about how Jimmy Caan immaculately conceived a baby, but, being such a great guy, payed for the abortion himself. Sorry... I know... At least I know where I'm going...
Bottom line, this might possibly be the "Most Ridiculous Show on TV" if not for all of the weird alien invasion shows. IMDb.com says it's been around since 2003. What? Thankfully, I've weened myself from most television and now listen to Def Leppard's "Hysteria" in my room while reading terrible fiction.
(Speaking of truly bad music...)

4. For those of you who love the 80's, here's a Queensryche video we should all forget:
"Eyes of a Stranger"

But this isn't just any Queensryche video, people. It's the final track from "Mind Crime," which has been lauded as the greatest concept album ever. In my opinion, that's the most dubious award an album can ever win. "Your album is the best collection of songs centered around the same batshit crazy idea and/or lunatic fantasy you wrote in your mom's basement." Here's a synopsis of the album's story from the band's own website:

6:00 P.M.
Our friend Nikki, charged with several counts of murder involving members of this city's political and religious leaders, has been committed to State Hospital under heavy security. London-born nurse, Debbie, seems determined to administer the tranquilizer and give us her personal feelings regarding her patient. Hmm? Injection completed, Nikki listens to his favorite tape and retraces his past.

I Remember Now
page: "Dr. Davis, telephone please Dr. Davis, telephone please Dr. Blair, Dr. Blair, Dr. J. Hamilton, Dr. J. Hamilton" News Broadcast: "...the Soviets... In other news the bizarre murders of political and religious leaders that have shocked this city over the last month seemed to have ended as suddenly as they began. No terrorist groups ... responsibility for the slayings, but police have a suspect in custody under observation in a state hospital. His identity is being withheld pending further investigation. Sports and weather next..." Nurse: "It's ten minutes past curfew, why are you still up? Hello? Hello? Perhaps you need another shot. Ah, that should do it. Sweet Dreams, you bastard." Nikki: "I remember now, I remember how it started. I can't remember yesterday, I just remember doing what they told me..told me..told me..told me."

Anarchy-X
Weeks ago in Occidental Park, hundreds of people gathered for a political rally. There was a man shouting above all the others: "Do we have freedom? Do we have equality? This country's changing! It is no longer for all of the people! It is for some of the people!" The man's name? "Dr. X."

Revolution Calling
....Ring!....Ring! The phone hasn't stopped ringing since the hypnotic meeting with Dr. X. His plan is brilliant in its simplicity: assassination and replacement. He calls it, "Operation: Mindcrime," and Nikki is the key player. Nikki has a weakness. He likes the needle. Dr. X makes sure Nikki feels good so he can do a good job. The chosen "Death Angel" is then easily manipulated through subliminal suggestion over the telephone. The password into Nikki's brain is "mindcrime."

Operation: Mindcrime
Nikki was a loser. A street kid, left to fend for himself at a young age. He was independent, and unpredictable, but harmless. Except now he had a philosophy, and that made him dangerous. "Revolution!" was the word on his lips as he stood in the streets and screamed, "Hey, listen to me!"

Speak
Mary worked the S&M shows in Times Square. At seventeen she met Father William, who arranged her cloister with "Our Lady of Immaculate Pain." A new life. A different way of living. Except for her debt with him, which was expected to be paid in full, weekly, "...on the altar. Like a sacrifice." When she was eighteen, Father William introduced her to a man named Dr. X. Now she works for him.

Spreading the Disease
Nikki spends quite a lot of time these days in his room; drawing gruesome, detailed depictions of his victims' deaths upon the dingy white walls. Drowning in guilt, he sees Sister Mary as his only means to salvation. He lights another candle and flips through the TV channels one by one. The familiar face of Father William appears. Is it wrong? Is it right? ....Ring!.....Ring!....."mindcrime!!" Decision made. News Broadcast: "...informing Washington, a technical violation of the 1972 ABM Treaty..." Preacher: "...I'm asking for hands to be uplifted in just a moment. God the Holy Ghost is calling out to embrace you. I want you to reach deep into your hearts and your pocketbooks and take his hand. Nikki: "Bless me father for I have sinned" Preacher: "Some of you are in a state of rebellion right now you're saying..."

The Mission
A long, satin black sedan slides to a stop in front of Nikki. The rain, beading on the dark, tinted windows, distorts his reflection. Bemused by his melting facial features, he's startled as the electric window descends revealing the smiling face of Dr. X. "Kill her," he said. "and get the priest as well." "Kill Mary?," asks Nikki.

Suite Sister Mary
Father William lay crumpled on the stairs leading to the sanctuary. Mary watches in disgust as her lover Nikki's troubled face dissolves into the leering, drooling face of the priest huffing and puffing above her. "...Altar...sacrifice..." something snaps inside her head. Nikki feels the coldness overtake her. He pulls away, vowing to kill Dr. X and set them both free of their master's manipulations. Pulling closed the huge door behind him, he stumbles into the rainy night to keep his appointment with his "maker."

The Needle Lies
After Nikki leaves, Mary is plagued by the vision of Nikki turning into Father William. As they made love on the altar, the memories came flooding back. Years filled with men who has used her, degraded and beaten her, and driven their hatred and coldness into her heart. Once, she thought Nikki was her hope. But now he seemed like all the rest. She hated him. She hated men. She hated life. "Anybody home?" Unable to shake his addiction, and feeling beaten in his confrontation with Dr. X, Nikki returns. "Mary?" He finds her dead in her room.

Electric Requiem
Unable to accept Mary's death, Nikki runs like a raving madman through the streets calling her name. Everywhere he looks he sees her face.

Breaking The Silence
The police arrest Nikki. The charges are: disorderly conduct, carrying a concealed weapon without a license, and resisting arrest. They know he's a junkie because of the tracks on his arms. His weapon also matches the one used in a string of recent killings. Nikki isn't making much sense now, babbling on about perverted priests, some kind of covert operation, and not believing in love.

I Don't Believe In Love / Waiting For 22
Left alone, Nikki thinks of Mary; of the night she died, and why. He wonders about his future. Who will be there to care for him and be his friend?

My Empty Room
Charged with several murders, Nikki is committed to State Hospital to overcome his addiction. Awaiting trial, he suffers insomnia and is delirious. Searching through his past, he tries to find reasons for his actions and his weaknesses. Staring into the mirror, he sees a stranger.

Eyes of a Stranger
page: "Dr. Davis, telephone please. Dr. Davis Dr. Blair, Dr. Blair, Dr. J. Hamilton, Dr. J. Hamilton"

6:01 P.M.
"I remember now."

wtf? For real. The only reason that I bring this up is because my friend sent me a link to their album announcement of "Mindcrime II."