Thoughts on Bands and Girls
I got an interesting email from a female friend today who hasn't been seen or heard from in a while. She said, "Oh, well, I guess you must be beating away the girls with a stick, playing keyboards in a band and all, making the girls swoon." Um... The answer to that question is no.
Just for future reference, this is a list of the order in which rock musicians in bands get laid, from my own experience being in and around bands.
1. The Drummer - Most people automatically assume the frontman comes first, but few realize that the drummer pulls more than anyone else. He is the beat, the rhythm personified. It's the same as being the best dancer at your local salsa hall.
2. The Lead Guitarist - Obviously. Girls imagine him blowing smoke in their parents' faces while roaring away on motorcycles.
3. The Singer/Frontman - However, this guy moves to #1 if he also plays guitar and calls himself a "songwriter." Being an alright singer helps, but it's really not required.
4. The Keyboardist - Again, like the lead singer, a keyboardist can move up the list by use of "songwriter," as long as said songs are not Billy Joel ripoffs, because as we all know, only church girls listen to Joel and you're leaving that date high and dry. However, the Keyboardist songwriter may never move above #3 on the list. The Drummer and guitarist/songwriter will always win. Actually, scratch that. The Keyboardist will always be #4.
5. The Lonely Bass Player - I guess it's just the fact that nobody ever really notices the Rock Bassist. His musical contributions can rarely be easily identified, outside of Led's John Paul Jones and John Entwistle from The Who. Think about it. It takes a lot to identify a great bass player for the average listener. This translates directly into this hierarchy. They're not flashy, they're just holding down the fort while the others can advertise for women with their impressive displays of solo virtuosity, aka "blowjob notes." This doesn't really transfer over into other genres though. The jazz bassist never goes hungry.
Writing this list made me think of a funny story I heard from David Lee Roth (DLR.) Apparently, Sammy Hagar and John Entwistle were hanging out at Cabo Wabo, Hagar's club in LA. Sammy turned to John and said, "Ox, here we are, two rock legends, just hanging out!" John replied, "No, Sammy, one rock legend and Sammy Hagar..."
Just for future reference, this is a list of the order in which rock musicians in bands get laid, from my own experience being in and around bands.
1. The Drummer - Most people automatically assume the frontman comes first, but few realize that the drummer pulls more than anyone else. He is the beat, the rhythm personified. It's the same as being the best dancer at your local salsa hall.
2. The Lead Guitarist - Obviously. Girls imagine him blowing smoke in their parents' faces while roaring away on motorcycles.
3. The Singer/Frontman - However, this guy moves to #1 if he also plays guitar and calls himself a "songwriter." Being an alright singer helps, but it's really not required.
4. The Keyboardist - Again, like the lead singer, a keyboardist can move up the list by use of "songwriter," as long as said songs are not Billy Joel ripoffs, because as we all know, only church girls listen to Joel and you're leaving that date high and dry. However, the Keyboardist songwriter may never move above #3 on the list. The Drummer and guitarist/songwriter will always win. Actually, scratch that. The Keyboardist will always be #4.
5. The Lonely Bass Player - I guess it's just the fact that nobody ever really notices the Rock Bassist. His musical contributions can rarely be easily identified, outside of Led's John Paul Jones and John Entwistle from The Who. Think about it. It takes a lot to identify a great bass player for the average listener. This translates directly into this hierarchy. They're not flashy, they're just holding down the fort while the others can advertise for women with their impressive displays of solo virtuosity, aka "blowjob notes." This doesn't really transfer over into other genres though. The jazz bassist never goes hungry.
Writing this list made me think of a funny story I heard from David Lee Roth (DLR.) Apparently, Sammy Hagar and John Entwistle were hanging out at Cabo Wabo, Hagar's club in LA. Sammy turned to John and said, "Ox, here we are, two rock legends, just hanging out!" John replied, "No, Sammy, one rock legend and Sammy Hagar..."
posted by Jaded Lens at
4:26 PM
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