Googlympics

While recuperating from an all-around exhausting weekend and workday on Monday night, my roommate and I quickly became bored with the night's TV menu so instead decided to devise a new game, one which quickly became our newest obsession.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present you with the Googlympics.

Googlympics consists of several events and feats of web strength involving the search engine Google. Here are the events that have been accepted by the Googlympic Governing Body so far:

1. "Opening Games"

When 2 Googlympiads enter the field of play*, each athlete must input his/her first and last name into the search engine.** The athlete with the least number of hits goes first in the first event.

2. "I've Got More Than You"

Quite simply, the object of the game is to get more hits that your opponent using one-, two-, or three-word searches. However, once a word has been used, that word may not be used again (unless you're playing by "Toolbar Rules."***) After each round, the loser of the last round gets to go first. At the beginning of each round, the loser of the last round must also stipulate whether he/she is going for a one-, two-, or three-word search.+

Here's an example:
My roommate: "Hardcore Porn" 7,330,000
Me: "web search" 3,630,000,000

Obviously, I win and he starts the next round, stipulating the number of words in the search.

3. "I've Got Less Than You"

Exactly like the previous event, using the same rules as above but, instead of aiming for the maximum hits possible, your goal is the least amount.

4. "Timed Play"

Same rules as the above but instead of judging by the amount of hits, the contest is decided by the longest length of search. However, there is no inverse to this event since Google does not allow measurements less than 0.01 seconds.

5. "My Historical Figure is More Popular/More Obscure Than Yours"

Quite simply, a player stipulates between popular/obscure and searches for a historical figure, at which point the opponent must perform a search on another historical figure and either get more or less hits based on the stipulation. You may substitute the Historical Figure category with others, such as Actors, Musicians, etc. However, there may be NO cross-category contamination, i.e., Actor vs. Musician. Also, only main professions apply. Just because Keanu Reeves plays guitar in Dog Star does not mean you can put him up against Roger Daltrey. Ever.

6. "The Big Chase"++

This one is slightly different with a higher degree of difficulty. The player calls for "The Big Chase," stipulates search length, performs the search and then specifies the conditions of the opponent's search. The goal is for the opponent to come as close as possible to the amount of the original player's search quantity and stay within the conditional number given by the opponent. However, some by-laws exist. The conditional number must be within an acceptable range and approved by the opponent prior to his/her search. For example, if my roommate searches for "NFL League" and gets 20.1 million hits, an acceptable range would be 3 million on either side, unless of course you want to play with Price Is Right Rules. Bargaining to determine an acceptable conditional number is legal, keeping in mind that the opponent must eventually agree to a conditional number while the original player reserves the right to switch events prior to the opponent's search. However, once the second search is completed, the game is on and all decisions are final.

7. "I'm Feeling REALLY Lucky"

This game is a showdown, a battle of wits using one-, two-, or three- word searches and the Google's I'm Feeling Lucky button. The goal is to successfully land on an adult porn site without using any terms from the following categories:
curse words
body parts and body part slang
proper names
sex acts and fetish names

8. The Googlathlon

The final event at any Googlympics is the Googlathlon. Using 5 of the events above+++, players compete in a predetermined even number of contests, with the majority winner emerging as the "Googlympian of the Century."*+ The loser of each round chooses which event will be played next. For example, my roommate goes first after the traditional Opening Games ceremony and calls for "I Have More Than You" and loses. In the next round, he calls for "Historical Figure, Obscure" and loses. The he calls for "The Big Chase"*+* and wins. Then his opponent calls for a "Time Trial" and wins, etc., etc. If a tie exists after the predetermined number of events, the tie will broken by a contest of "I'm Feeling REALLY Lucky."



* Both athletes must use the same computer to avoid any judging controversy.
** As shown on your Googlympics Membership Card, also known as a driver's license. A Social Security card, birth certificate and passport will also be valid for Googlympiads under the age of 16.
*** Toolbar Rules refers to the Google Toolbar, which can actually be used to chronicle your last 24 searches. Once a word leaves the toolbar cache, it can be considered "back in play."
+ Any misspelled words result in an immediate loss. If at anytime Google asks, "Did you mean ____?" and the word was indeed misspelled according to Dictionary.com, then that athlete is disqualified. This rule applies to all Googlympic events.
++ Most people are confused by the "The Big Chase." "Why does it matter?" they ask. However, a high caliber Googlympiad will recognize the importance of "The Big Chase," especially during the Googlathlon.
+++ Excluding "Opening Games" and "I'm Feeling REALLY Lucky" due to their use at the beginning of the game and as a tie breaker, respectively.
*+ Googlympiads may feel free to distribute Gold Medals as they wish, especially made by Cuervo (Gold) or Coors (Extra Gold.) However, as in life, there are no second place prizes.
*+* During the Googlathlon, "The Big Chase" may only be used after 5 consecutive losses by the loser.

Additional By-laws (which the Googlympic Governing Body may revise and supplement at any time.)

1. No contest may be won by a return of zero results. All searches must have a hit list > or = to 1.
2. Much like steroid use in baseball, Googlympiads may not seek to enhance their results with the use of any search modifying symbols, including the + and - signs. The names are both entered as appearing on the membership card, regardless of any popular connotations which might already exist.
3. The Googlympic Governing Body finds you; you cannot find it. However, at each Googlympics, a member of the Governing Body must be present in order for all results to be official and to hand out all medals, at your expense, not theirs. Please contact Jadedlens with the time and place and arrangements will be made.